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Category Archives: Humor
They Needed a Study to Figure This One Out? Women Think Vegetarian Men are Wimps
From the UK Mail:
…vegetarian men are seen as wimps and less macho than those who like tucking into a steak – even by women who do not eat meat themselves, research shows…
Researchers gave hundreds of young men and women descriptions of fictional students varying only according to diet, and asked them to rate aspects of their personalities.
Perhaps not surprisingly, the vegetarian characters were seen as being more virtuous.
Further questioning revealed that men who do not eat meat were also viewed as less masculine than the others – even by vegetarians…
Previous research has found that vegetarians are seen as pacifist, weight-conscious and liberal, while fast-food lovers are perceived as patriotic, pro-nuclear and conservative.
Was there really any need to study this? Does anyone not think vegetarians are wimps?
This reminds me of Obama…
Thanks to reader Steve for sending this gem in!
Welcome Back, Carter
Weekend Humor- The Turboencabulator
The Turboencabulator is a close relative of the disgronifier.
With the above in mind, here is Rockwell Automation’s manufactured Retro-Encabulator:
Look for Obama to outfit all new GM cars with state-of-the-art Retro-Encabulator in the coming year.
Weekend Humor: You’ve Never Worked in the Private Sector- They Expect Results
One of my all-time favorite movie scenes from the 1984 hit movie Ghostbusters:
Was Scrooge a Liberal or a Conservative?
Was Scrooge a liberal or a conservative? Last week Ann Coulter and Paul Krugman both wrote articles assigning the notorious skinflint to the opposite’s ideology.
Hey, has anyone noticed that “A Christmas Carol” is a dangerous leftist tract?
I mean, consider the scene, early in the book, where Ebenezer Scrooge rightly refuses to contribute to a poverty relief fund. “I’m opposed to giving people money for doing nothing,” he declares. Oh, wait. That wasn’t Scrooge. That was Newt Gingrich — last week. What Scrooge actually says is, “Are there no prisons?” But it’s pretty much the same thing.
Anyway, instead of praising Scrooge for his principled stand against the welfare state, Charles Dickens makes him out to be some kind of bad guy. How leftist is that?
As you can see, the fundamental issues of public policy haven’t changed since Victorian times. Still, some things are different.
…So in this holiday season, let’s remember the wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge. Not the bit about denying food and medical care to those who need them: America’s failure to take care of its own less-fortunate citizens is a national disgrace.
How original. Not exactly the first time Newt Gingrich has been called Scrooge:
On the other hand, Ann Coulter titled her weekly column “Scrooge Was a Liberal.” Coulter’s argument is that while liberals have a monopoly on “caring” it is religious conservatives who put their money where their mouths are:
Religious conservatives, the largest group at about 20 percent of the population, gave the most to charity — $2,367 per year, compared with $1,347 for the country at large.
Conversely, secular liberals are particularly stingy:
secular liberals give to charity at a rate of 9 percent less than all Americans and 19 percent less than religious conservatives. They were also “significantly less likely than the population average to return excess change mistakenly given to them by a cashier.”
However, Newt did say “I’m opposed to giving people money for doing nothing,” and that settles who the real Scrooge is, right?
What Newt was saying in the 90s and a week ago is that government funding of bad behavior only reinforces bad behavior. If you pay able bodied people not to work, they will remain wards of the state.
But this isn’t about good policy, it’s about which ideological camp Scrooge really falls into; an easily answered question.
Near the beginning of A Christmas Carol Scrooge is solicited for a donation to provide food and shelter for the poor over Christmas. Scrooge refuses to part with so much as one sent. His explanation? Scrooge claims that he pays enough for the poor in taxes, and that they should seek food and shelter in local prisons, poorhouses and workhouses.
Ebenezer Scrooge’s position and justification are a doctrinaire liberalism. Scrooge’s belief that government programs are there to care for the downtrodden in lieu of charities is a fundamental tenet of modern liberalism.
By the end of A Christmas Carol Scrooge becomes a conservative. Reversing his miserly attitude, Scrooge discovers that the best way to help the indigent, and everyone else, is with private charity. Instead of sending people to government-run poorhouses, Scrooge decides that he knows how to help his neighbors better than anonymous government bureaucrats. Could there be a more conservative message?
Weekend Humor
A reader emailed this to me:
A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college. Halfway through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.
He calls home. “Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is
developing! They actually have a program here in College Station that will teach our dog, Ol’ Blue how to talk!”
“That’s amazing,” his Dad says. “How do we get Ol’ Blue in that program?” “Just send him down here with $1,000″ the young cowboy says.
“I’ll get him in the course.”
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
“So how’s Ol’ Blue doing son?” his father asks. ”
Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this – they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”
“Read!?” says his father, “No kidding! How do we get Blue into that program?” “Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.”
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the
year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read… so he shoots
the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
“Where’s Ol’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!”
“Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, “So, is your daddy still messing’ around with that young lady who lives in town?”
The father exclaimed,
“I hope you shot that son of a b**** before he talks to your Mother!”
“I sure did, Dad!”
“That’s my boy!”
The kid went on to law school, and now serves in the United States Senate.
Christmas Gift Ideas for Canadian Conservatives
Gerry Nicholls writes. Hilarity ensues.
After much research, I have come up with a list of Canadian political books that would even please grumpy old Ebenezer Scrooge, assuming, of course, Scrooge … you know actually cared about Canadian politics.
Anyway here’s the list of 10 gift books:
- How to annoy left-wing kooks and pinkos, by Don Cherry. (Special foreword written by Rob Ford)
- Crush, Kill, Destroy: My life in politics, by Stephen Harper
- My obvious intellectual superiority – political asset or liability? by Michael Ignatieff.
- Take your long census form and shred it, by Tony Clement
- Ten naughty ways to stimulate your economy, by Jim Flaherty
- The brain-dead moron’s guide to building a lasting political coalition, by Jack Layton
- Don’t let irrelevancy stop you from thriving, by Gilles Duceppe (Available in French only)
- Crying polar bears: climate fear-mongering for fun and profit, by David Suzuki
- Thanks suckers!, the Chairman of General Motors
(OK that’s only nine books, but given the sorry state of Canadian politics this is the best I could do!)
Some Weekend Humor
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Government said,” Someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Government said,” How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Government said,” How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Government said,” How are these people going to get paid?” So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Government said,” Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Government said,” We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.” So they laid off the night watchman.